You can find me at http://grantinmanchester.tumblr.com/
I will return here after my English excursion.
Cheerio!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
goodbye for now
As mentioned in the previous post, I will be studying abroad soon and will thereupon be using a different blog for a while.
Alive, sanity intact.
I am finished with my last semester to be [physically] at Belmont. I can only describe this as "the epitome of bittersweet."
I moved out of my Nashville residence, and am a Bolivarian once again. Being home is good. I have hung out with wonderful friends and family, begun painting my room, and celebrated the Christmas season. I am very much glad that Jesus was born.
Being home, I hope, will provide me with a month's worth of relative stability in the midst of an otherwise fragmented, transient, liminal space in my life at the moment. Allow me to explain what I mean by this:
My college experience has been fairly unconventional. Having accumulated the necessary amount of college credits during high school, I will complete college in three years instead of four. On top of that fact, the three years of college did not happen all at the same place, nor in the same major. I spent my first year of college, which was technically my sophomore year, at Samford University (not a great time...), then transferred to Belmont (great times!), where I spent my junior year and the first half of my senior year. I am now preparing to study abroad in Manchester, England for my final semester. That being said, I will graduate from Belmont having spent only three semesters/1.5 school years on its campus.
The future looks fairly sketchy, as well. After studying abroad, I will do some traveling with one of my oldest friends, and then return to the States to attend my brother's wedding. In August, I will graduate from the one-and-only Belmont University. Then, I will live at home and attend SBU for a year (or maybe two?) as a probably-non-degree-seeking, post-baccalaureate student in order to do my medical school prerequisites. If I am no longer interested in going to medical school, I will have to rethink my life. If by that point I am still interested in going to medical school, I will apply to many schools, get accepted by few (if any), make a choice and go to that choice of medical school, and then in four years I would have to decide what residency to do at which teaching hospital in which city in which country, and then decide whether or not to subspecialize in an area after that, and then decide where to do my first few years of practicing, and so on and so forth.
Of course, I probably made all of this sound more dramatic than it actually has been/is/will be, but I have made my point. It seems unlikely that I will have stayed in any one place for more than four years straight between the ages of 18 and 30. Having spent the first 18 in the same town, it will be quite a change if it does indeed happen in that fashion.
I'm not totally consumed by all of this, but it's definitely a hot topic in my mind.
Grant: "Trust Jesus, Grant. Take Him at His Word."
Grant: "Oh, I so will."
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
It will be a feat...
...if any shred of my sanity is still in my possession by Friday at noon.
If I do not accomplish this feat, visit me in my asylum.
Thanks!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Linguist
He knows words.
He speaks the language.
He denotes and connotes.
He can make words jump through flaming hoops, dive from high dives, and do back flips off of cliffs.
He can turn black into white and back into black again.
He analyzes roots, prefixes, and suffixes until they're just meaningless clumps of letters.
He knows two thousand four hundred ninety-five ways to say the same thing...
...but he does not always know what to say.
The Sociologist
He knows society.
He studies patterns, trends, and tendencies.
He knows complex theories on how society functions, struggles, and changes.
He sees the general in the particular, the strange in the familiar, and vice versa.
He thinks critically - and sometimes cynically - about the world and its many problems.
He knows who to blame: the powers-that-be, the majority, the bourgeoisie, hegemony...
...anybody and everybody but himself.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Floor
is a highly underrated place to be.
Sit on it sometime.
It's relaxing.
i really need to vacuum
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Freaky Quote
Courtesy of Emile Durkheim and my social theory textbook:
"Irrespective of any external regulatory force, our capacity for feeling is in itself an insatiable and bottomless abyss."
Spooky.
It reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite Derek Webb songs, "Ballad in Plain Red":
"...'cause you can make your life look good
you can do what Jesus would
but you'd be surprised what you could do with a hard heart."
...yeah.
That's why we need Jesus.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Laughing at Myself
It must be done sometimes.
_____________________________________________________
I was going through my Documents folder and deleting everything I didn't need anymore, and I stumbled upon something I wrote a while back after being fed up with how girls were gushing over fictional characters in the Twilight Series, Pride and Prejudice, etc. I laughed at myself after reading it, but I still somewhat identify with what I wrote. I thought I'd share:
CURRENT FRUSTRATIONS:
-Every book by Nicholas Sparks
-Every book by Stephanie Meyer
-Every book by Jane Austen
-The “perfect” characters in the works by the aforementioned authors
-The crazy, unrealistic expectations that girls put on guys as a result of reading and being influenced by the aforementioned propaganda
-The unfortunate fact that a lot of girls seem to think that communication is unnecessary, irrelevant, and/or unromantic
I’m not Mr. Darcy, and I’m not Edward Cullen. Don’t expect me to charm you with my abundant wealth, perfect manners, and British accent; I have none of the above. Don’t expect me to subtly reveal vampiric ways; I have yet to understand why that is so appealing. Don’t even expect me to be your absolute perfect match, because even if I am, relationships still require hard work and communication (sometimes tough, direct, and uncomfortable), and all things that honor Jesus to thrive.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Late Night Chocolate Milk + Thoughts
I sit here in my room of ten years wondering what the next decade will bring.
In about two weeks, I will begin my last semester in residence at Belmont. In January, I will fly over the Atlantic to Manchester, England, U.K. to study abroad for my final semester of college. I will finish in June, and return to the wedding of a wonderful couple. I will graduate in August.
Beyond that, however, is a vast, unknown space. I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing...
...and I kind of like it.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
whoa
The craziest thing just happened.
I was out on my evening run when I saw a group of four people huddled around a person lying on the sidewalk. I stopped to see what was going on.
The guy lying on the sidewalk was having a medical emergency of some sort. The four people, one being a physician, and I determined that the guy was not drunk (no smell of alcohol whatsoever), was not having a heart attack or stroke, could not seem to use his limbs, and was mostly unresponsive. His eyes didn't seem to focus on anything. We tried to get his name, but we couldn't hear what he said. He was able to tell us that he was 40 years old.
The physician's wife called 911. When she informed the 911 dispatcher that the guy was a 40-year-old black man, the dispatcher pretty much assumed that the man was drunk and wanted to send a police car instead of an ambulance, so it was a bit of a fight just to get them to send paramedics.
When the paramedics arrived, they performed some tests, and determined the man was having a diabetic crisis. The five us talked amongst ourselves as we watched the paramedics do their thing. The physician, upon learning that I was considering going into medicine, took an interest and we had a really good conversation about medical schools and residencies, and he did his best to explain to me what the paramedics were doing, things that tend to happen in diabetic emergencies, and problems that this guy could have as a result of prolonged lack of glucose.
It was awesome (apart from the emergency, of course).
I felt calm and ready the entire time.
This experience may have sealed the deal for me.
We'll see.
I was out on my evening run when I saw a group of four people huddled around a person lying on the sidewalk. I stopped to see what was going on.
The guy lying on the sidewalk was having a medical emergency of some sort. The four people, one being a physician, and I determined that the guy was not drunk (no smell of alcohol whatsoever), was not having a heart attack or stroke, could not seem to use his limbs, and was mostly unresponsive. His eyes didn't seem to focus on anything. We tried to get his name, but we couldn't hear what he said. He was able to tell us that he was 40 years old.
The physician's wife called 911. When she informed the 911 dispatcher that the guy was a 40-year-old black man, the dispatcher pretty much assumed that the man was drunk and wanted to send a police car instead of an ambulance, so it was a bit of a fight just to get them to send paramedics.
When the paramedics arrived, they performed some tests, and determined the man was having a diabetic crisis. The five us talked amongst ourselves as we watched the paramedics do their thing. The physician, upon learning that I was considering going into medicine, took an interest and we had a really good conversation about medical schools and residencies, and he did his best to explain to me what the paramedics were doing, things that tend to happen in diabetic emergencies, and problems that this guy could have as a result of prolonged lack of glucose.
It was awesome (apart from the emergency, of course).
I felt calm and ready the entire time.
This experience may have sealed the deal for me.
We'll see.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Moved
After over a week of moving stuff, losing stuff, finding stuff, repairing stuff, buying stuff, arranging stuff, and calling about stuff, I am finally moved into my new place.
Hot water will arrive June 2nd. I look forward to that day.
Hot water will arrive June 2nd. I look forward to that day.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Summer...
...is imminent.
This summer is going to be very different than those of the past. Much more responsibility, much less time with friends, much preparation for a very nebulous future.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to expect...
...but I am okay with it - or at least, I'm trying to be.
God is good, all the time. He's got the whole world in His hands. Thankfully, it's not in mine.
I shall stop pretending like it is.
This summer is going to be very different than those of the past. Much more responsibility, much less time with friends, much preparation for a very nebulous future.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to expect...
...but I am okay with it - or at least, I'm trying to be.
God is good, all the time. He's got the whole world in His hands. Thankfully, it's not in mine.
I shall stop pretending like it is.
Friday, April 23, 2010
I may have an obsession.
Is it possible to get addicted to tea?
My beverage consumption choices provide substantial evidence for the possibility.
That is all.
My beverage consumption choices provide substantial evidence for the possibility.
That is all.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"...with varying degrees of criticality..."
Tonight, I find myself cynical and disagreeable.
It seems as though whenever anyone expresses an opinion, my mind immediately considers an opposing opinion. If I find that the opposing opinion has any value, I espouse it, sometimes complete with the ever-present "But at the same time..."
Ugh.
I know it's good to think critically and analytically, but there comes a line in which the conversation centers no longer on the truth of the issue. I cross this line far too much. My words drip with cynicism...
Lately I have been reminded of the importance of speaking the truth in love. The words that come out of our mouths can have devastating effects...
Speaking the truth in love requires taming of the tongue, something that we're too weak, too human to do by ourselves - we need His help. Pray for it.
"We can be so loud;
we can write a song that makes us all proud,
but without love,
it's just a sound."
-The Newsboys in "Good Stuff"
It seems as though whenever anyone expresses an opinion, my mind immediately considers an opposing opinion. If I find that the opposing opinion has any value, I espouse it, sometimes complete with the ever-present "But at the same time..."
Ugh.
I know it's good to think critically and analytically, but there comes a line in which the conversation centers no longer on the truth of the issue. I cross this line far too much. My words drip with cynicism...
Lately I have been reminded of the importance of speaking the truth in love. The words that come out of our mouths can have devastating effects...
Speaking the truth in love requires taming of the tongue, something that we're too weak, too human to do by ourselves - we need His help. Pray for it.
"We can be so loud;
we can write a song that makes us all proud,
but without love,
it's just a sound."
-The Newsboys in "Good Stuff"
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I Love a Rainy Night
"A drenching joy, a carnival sky,
but what I don't say, what I can't say
is that with this joy comes a mourning-
something left behind:
blue lined, teary, mingled
I move on...
All things will change.
We wait for the rain,
and the Promise remains."
-Josh Garrels in "Jacaranda Tree"
but what I don't say, what I can't say
is that with this joy comes a mourning-
something left behind:
blue lined, teary, mingled
I move on...
All things will change.
We wait for the rain,
and the Promise remains."
-Josh Garrels in "Jacaranda Tree"
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Forgiveness
It's so opposed to human nature.
We're inclined to hold grudges, carry around bitterness toward others, and secretly feed our sardonic prejudices like a dog under the dinner table.
We clench our fists, scoff at the mistakes of others, and stand idly as our hearts turn a cold shoulder to those who do us wrong.
...but we're called to something higher.
Forgiveness requires us to transcend our human nature. To throw away logic. To let go of feelings that are perfectly natural, normal, and understandable.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Jesus forgave us by allowing Himself to be nailed to a cross.
Only because of this, the ultimate act of forgiveness, can we forgive both our best friends and our greatest enemies alike.
"'Cause you cannot choose your friends,
but you choose your enemies,
and what if they were one, one in the same?
Could you find a way
to love them both the same?"
-Derek Webb
We're inclined to hold grudges, carry around bitterness toward others, and secretly feed our sardonic prejudices like a dog under the dinner table.
We clench our fists, scoff at the mistakes of others, and stand idly as our hearts turn a cold shoulder to those who do us wrong.
...but we're called to something higher.
Forgiveness requires us to transcend our human nature. To throw away logic. To let go of feelings that are perfectly natural, normal, and understandable.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Jesus forgave us by allowing Himself to be nailed to a cross.
Only because of this, the ultimate act of forgiveness, can we forgive both our best friends and our greatest enemies alike.
"'Cause you cannot choose your friends,
but you choose your enemies,
and what if they were one, one in the same?
Could you find a way
to love them both the same?"
-Derek Webb
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Creativity
Today, I wanted to be creative.
It was the final day of a long, busy, stressful week that felt more like a month. I was awakened by the sunlight pouring through the blinds. I walked outside, and it was warmer than I expected, a welcome surprise.
There were people all over campus, lying on the quad, throwing around frisbees, socializing with friends, and doing all matter of things that could be done comfortably outside for the first time in quite a while.
After eating lunch and strolling around outside for a while, I went to the Curb Events Center and sat down on a bench that was drenched in the early-afternoon sunlight. I sat in the warmth and read for a bit.
A little while later, I was overcome with the strange desire to create something. I don't know where this sudden feeling of creativity came from, but it was overwhelming. It was as if my muscles tensed up with excessive energy and could not relax until I had completed a masterpiece of one form or another.
I immediately reached for my notebook, and tried to write something - a poem, a song, a story, anything. Millions of topics ran through my head, but none seemed worthy of this intense, creative mood. When nothing stopped to pay my heart or brain a visit, I moved on to the prospect of drawing something. I picked up my pencil and moved it across the paper, drawing lines that turned into squiggles that turned into jumbled, chicken-scratchy nothingness. No shapes or figures presented themselves, and I was at a loss for anything to draw. I ripped out the paper covered with my failed attempts. I tried to fold it in some interesting way, but all I could manage was a pathetic, uneven triangle. Thoroughly frustrated, I crumpled up the paper and threw it away.
I took some deep breaths and looked out the window. Seeing so many carefree people enjoying the weather released some of my frustration. I forced myself to smile.
As I was putting my notebook into my backpack, I saw my Bible sitting inside. It occurred to me that I am a work of art. No matter how dull, dry, and gray my own mind might be, I was created by a Creator, and a mighty good one.
I looked outside again, and saw masterpieces everywhere.
I smiled genuinely.
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
-Psalm 139:14
It was the final day of a long, busy, stressful week that felt more like a month. I was awakened by the sunlight pouring through the blinds. I walked outside, and it was warmer than I expected, a welcome surprise.
There were people all over campus, lying on the quad, throwing around frisbees, socializing with friends, and doing all matter of things that could be done comfortably outside for the first time in quite a while.
After eating lunch and strolling around outside for a while, I went to the Curb Events Center and sat down on a bench that was drenched in the early-afternoon sunlight. I sat in the warmth and read for a bit.
A little while later, I was overcome with the strange desire to create something. I don't know where this sudden feeling of creativity came from, but it was overwhelming. It was as if my muscles tensed up with excessive energy and could not relax until I had completed a masterpiece of one form or another.
I immediately reached for my notebook, and tried to write something - a poem, a song, a story, anything. Millions of topics ran through my head, but none seemed worthy of this intense, creative mood. When nothing stopped to pay my heart or brain a visit, I moved on to the prospect of drawing something. I picked up my pencil and moved it across the paper, drawing lines that turned into squiggles that turned into jumbled, chicken-scratchy nothingness. No shapes or figures presented themselves, and I was at a loss for anything to draw. I ripped out the paper covered with my failed attempts. I tried to fold it in some interesting way, but all I could manage was a pathetic, uneven triangle. Thoroughly frustrated, I crumpled up the paper and threw it away.
I took some deep breaths and looked out the window. Seeing so many carefree people enjoying the weather released some of my frustration. I forced myself to smile.
As I was putting my notebook into my backpack, I saw my Bible sitting inside. It occurred to me that I am a work of art. No matter how dull, dry, and gray my own mind might be, I was created by a Creator, and a mighty good one.
I looked outside again, and saw masterpieces everywhere.
I smiled genuinely.
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
-Psalm 139:14
Friday, February 26, 2010
One Score
memories for miles and miles:
summers, winters, falls, and springs
ruby, you take it in
and see He's withheld no good thing.
summers, winters, falls, and springs
ruby, you take it in
and see He's withheld no good thing.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Today...
...was a good day.
What makes a good day?
-pancakes for breakfast
-getting homework finished: Survey Analysis for Research Methods, a journal for Third-Year Writing, and some reading
-a bit of laundry and dishes
-some straightening of my room
-small talk with a fellow Bolivarian
-egg sandwich and toast for lunch
-Hazelnut coffee
-opening the blinds to watch the snow fall, even if it's just a little bit
-a good conversation with a professor
-a Mexican dinner
-LOST + popcorn
-a laughter-filled evening with good friends
...and there you have it: a good day.
:)
What makes a good day?
-pancakes for breakfast
-getting homework finished: Survey Analysis for Research Methods, a journal for Third-Year Writing, and some reading
-a bit of laundry and dishes
-some straightening of my room
-small talk with a fellow Bolivarian
-egg sandwich and toast for lunch
-Hazelnut coffee
-opening the blinds to watch the snow fall, even if it's just a little bit
-a good conversation with a professor
-a Mexican dinner
-LOST + popcorn
-a laughter-filled evening with good friends
...and there you have it: a good day.
:)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Everyday, Every Day
An important conversation that I had with a good friend just a minute ago has got me thinking about the way I perceive the past and the future.
I look back to last semester and see how awesome it was: the joy of making new friends, becoming familiar with Belmont, exploring Nashville...
I look to the future and see the exciting possibilities of staying in Nashville for the summer, studying abroad, graduation, perhaps graduate school, and a job that I like...
Yet, I sit here in the present doing homework, managing my responsibilities, solving my problems, and completing all matter of dull-yet-necessary daily tasks, all the while trying to have quality time with God, friends, and myself. In reality, these are things that I do every day of my life, yet when I think about the past and the future, I romanticize them so much that they blur into an seemingly effortless stream of existence.
I forget that regardless of how great last semester was overall, I still had days where I had to sit down and make myself write papers, read for class, and reflect on previous lectures while studying.
I forget that however bright my future looks, I will still do laundry and dishes.
Over the past few months I have improved at living in the present, but now I feel the challenge not only to live in the present, but to enjoy it - even the mundane building blocks of each day, whether they are work or play. I want to find an attitude in which I can look back and remember the normalcy of everyday life among the good times and the bad times.
"...another critique is that people in these radical subcultures do normal stuff, too. Punk kids sit around and eat cookies with their parents on Christmas, just like everyone else. They go to the store and get groceries, too." -my Popular Culture professor
Life is good - the good, the bad, and everything normal in between. It's God's gift to you and me.
I look back to last semester and see how awesome it was: the joy of making new friends, becoming familiar with Belmont, exploring Nashville...
I look to the future and see the exciting possibilities of staying in Nashville for the summer, studying abroad, graduation, perhaps graduate school, and a job that I like...
Yet, I sit here in the present doing homework, managing my responsibilities, solving my problems, and completing all matter of dull-yet-necessary daily tasks, all the while trying to have quality time with God, friends, and myself. In reality, these are things that I do every day of my life, yet when I think about the past and the future, I romanticize them so much that they blur into an seemingly effortless stream of existence.
I forget that regardless of how great last semester was overall, I still had days where I had to sit down and make myself write papers, read for class, and reflect on previous lectures while studying.
I forget that however bright my future looks, I will still do laundry and dishes.
Over the past few months I have improved at living in the present, but now I feel the challenge not only to live in the present, but to enjoy it - even the mundane building blocks of each day, whether they are work or play. I want to find an attitude in which I can look back and remember the normalcy of everyday life among the good times and the bad times.
"...another critique is that people in these radical subcultures do normal stuff, too. Punk kids sit around and eat cookies with their parents on Christmas, just like everyone else. They go to the store and get groceries, too." -my Popular Culture professor
Life is good - the good, the bad, and everything normal in between. It's God's gift to you and me.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A lot has changed...
...in the past month or two.
When I say, "changed," I don't necessarily mean that many significant events have happened (although there have been a few). What I mean is that some circumstances have been altered and collectively, they have changed me as a person.
Most of this change revolves around the issue of self-awareness. I once considered myself a unique, complex individual who was so elusive that even I could not figure myself out.
Now I cannot help but cringe at that.
Recently I've realized that I know myself pretty well. Complexities aside, I know my own thoughts and can interpret my own feelings. I am now willing to admit to myself my likes and dislikes, and everything to which I am indifferent. Perhaps most importantly, I no longer deny when I'm in denial.
There are a number of contributors to this newly found self-awareness. Foremost, I made a bit of a resolution to be more honest with myself and with God...it's better this way.
Also, many quality conversations with good friends lately have forced me to hold up a mirror to my own face...and I was surprised to find that I recognized myself.
Unexpectedly, Third-Year Writing, a general education requirement at Belmont, has really got me thinking about myself (not that I'm lacking in introspection...). I was originally wary of the class; I imagined having to write fifteen-page research monstrosities and random topic analyses every week. I was relieved to find that most of the writing would be about ourselves, because no matter how bland, boring, or otherwise uninteresting the details of my everyday life may be, I know I can write about myself.
"Why is this, exactly?" I asked myself.
It was a pretty simple answer: "Because I know myself."
I am completely aware of how individualist and self-involved this sounds, but I don't mean for it to be like that. It's just the truth about what I'm thinkin', wheelin', and dealin'.
There are so many things that I need to write about... and not just about myself.
Good stuff is happenin'. Yeh'd best believe it.
When I say, "changed," I don't necessarily mean that many significant events have happened (although there have been a few). What I mean is that some circumstances have been altered and collectively, they have changed me as a person.
Most of this change revolves around the issue of self-awareness. I once considered myself a unique, complex individual who was so elusive that even I could not figure myself out.
Now I cannot help but cringe at that.
Recently I've realized that I know myself pretty well. Complexities aside, I know my own thoughts and can interpret my own feelings. I am now willing to admit to myself my likes and dislikes, and everything to which I am indifferent. Perhaps most importantly, I no longer deny when I'm in denial.
There are a number of contributors to this newly found self-awareness. Foremost, I made a bit of a resolution to be more honest with myself and with God...it's better this way.
Also, many quality conversations with good friends lately have forced me to hold up a mirror to my own face...and I was surprised to find that I recognized myself.
Unexpectedly, Third-Year Writing, a general education requirement at Belmont, has really got me thinking about myself (not that I'm lacking in introspection...). I was originally wary of the class; I imagined having to write fifteen-page research monstrosities and random topic analyses every week. I was relieved to find that most of the writing would be about ourselves, because no matter how bland, boring, or otherwise uninteresting the details of my everyday life may be, I know I can write about myself.
"Why is this, exactly?" I asked myself.
It was a pretty simple answer: "Because I know myself."
I am completely aware of how individualist and self-involved this sounds, but I don't mean for it to be like that. It's just the truth about what I'm thinkin', wheelin', and dealin'.
There are so many things that I need to write about... and not just about myself.
Good stuff is happenin'. Yeh'd best believe it.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Prayer
"When you pray, your prayers are heard by the same God who answered Moses' prayer for water in the desert, the God who gave Abraham and his barren wife a son, and the God who made the slave Joseph second in power only to Pharaoh."
-Francis Chan in Crazy Love
It's so true.
-Francis Chan in Crazy Love
It's so true.
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