Wahr' Mensch und Wahrer Gott

"True man, yet very God
From sin and death he saves us
and lightens ev'ry load."

-Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming (Es ist ein Ros entsprungen), Michael Praetorius

foods that i don't dislike but never want more than 2 or 3 bites of:

-corn bread
-Twizzlers
-candy corn
-dressing/stuffing
-green bean casserole

rest

flood waters,

trials,

battles,

and enemies abound;

they're knocking at your door,

they're huffing and puffing and blowing your house down,

they're snarling, growling, thrashing,

and grasping at your throat,

they plot and scheme and devise for destruction,

they spin webs for your capture,

they build trebuchets and hurl their lies at you,

denouncing you as helpless, hopeless, defenseless.

yet,

the truth pervades the chaos

and whispers into your ear-

you can have

and will have

every help, every hope, all the defense necessary

to

lie

down

and

sleep.

there's a lion who makes it possible.

---

Psalm 3:1-6

small-town moment #43

I get home from some errands, walk in the front door, greet my parents, and make some small talk.

Me:  "Did you guys hear abo-"

My parents, in unison:  "Yes."

"The dove descending breaks the air
With flame of incandescent terror
Of which the tongues declare
The one discharge from sin and error.
The only hope, or else despair
Lies in the choice of pyre or pyre-
To be redeemed from fire by fire."

-T.S. Eliot,
Part IV of Little Gidding from Four Quartets

decidere

literally, "to cut off."

therein lies the most difficult part of making a decision.

i don't want to give up any of my options.

i swim in a multiplicity of choices.

there are always so many things i could be doing right now.

have i goals in mind? certainly.  but, it's not always so simple to meet them.

it's not entirely about a lack of willpower.

it's not necessarily laziness.

it's about identifying the dispensable things

and sending them to the guillotine

and being okay with that.

old as the fall

the bite into the fruit, not the current season.

"I want to be your favorite person in the world.  Why?  Sin."
-Pastor Josh Hedger







squirm



me, too

"We are not truly teachable unless our desire to learn more of the Bible is motivated by a sincere desire to grow in Christlikeness, not by a satisfaction that we know so much of Bible facts and doctrine.  We can easily fool ourselves with our intellectual knowledge (our ginosko) while failing to enter into a genuine experience and application of that knowledge (epiginosko)."

-Jerry Bridges, The Transforming Power of the Gospel

too little time, too many metaphors

you make a voyage

to the land that has been your center of gravity

for years now.

you expect refreshment, pleasantries, and the like,

but you find yourself dog-piled by ten times this

and more.

your axons and dendrites cannot handle

what they experienced.

sensorimotor overload.

every moment there, no matter how mundane,

seemed to sink into a deep-seated substrate

like tiles in a game of tetris,

each coming at the right time to the right place,

even the straight, long pieces that you seem to need so often.

never have you felt so acutely your creator's sovereign hand,

even in the ugliest, messiest, most convoluted of latitudes.

it will take days for levity to return,

but, for the fathomless joy you experienced,

you bid levity take its time.

good grief

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."

-2 Corinthians 7:10

"The people recognise themselves in their commodities; they find their soul in their automobile, hi-fi set, split-level home, kitchen equipment. The very mechanism which ties the individual to his society has changed, and social control is anchored in the new needs which it has produced."

-Herbert Marcuse, One-Dimensional Man, 1964

It's true, Marcuse.  It's true of you and me and him and her and he and she.

But, there's a better place to recognise yourself

than capitalism, 

socialism, 

or a mirror.
___________________________________________________

John 1:12

Anmut auf Anmut.

the further you walk,

the crazier it becomes:

the answered prayer,

the calmed fear,

the stamped-out insecurity,

the encouraging conversation,

the forgiven sin,

the truth that smacks you in the face when you really need it,

being able to laugh at tomorrow -

you didn't deserve any of this.

were there millions of gold stars to the right of your name,

you'd still not have earned it.

you never could,

ever.

yet,

He gave it to you -

not because you're awesome, but because

He is.

hype O. gly seem E. uh

my body, it seems,

burns through glucose, sucrose, fructose,

and all the other saccharides

like there's no tomorrow.

really more like no this afternoon.

it ain't no diabeetus, thankfully,

but the lightheadedness and shaking limbs

aren't so great, either.

food is the only remedy.

i guess i'm okay with that.

old hat, new shoes, pt. iii

upon reinhabiting your former room,

you find its closet, shelves, drawers,

nooks, crannies, and all other means of storage

utterly overflowing with ancient artifacts.

the time has come to don your pith helmet,

fetch your duster brush,

and go for a dig.

your discoveries are overwhelmingly clear:

you're too sentimental for your own good.

correction -

you were too sentimental for your own good.

you find that you've lived without these antiquities

for years,

and have not missed them even once.

all they do now is sit

and sit

and sit.

you now know far better than you did back then

that a ratty, old t-shirt, old class notes,

and all the other bits and bobs and odds and ends,

regardless of whatever sentimental value they possess,

there's better treasure to be found,

and that treasure

is

not

here.

vultures on the road

you make the familiar countryside trek home

down the hill, through the meadow, and up another hill.

there they are, the scavengers, juxtaposed against

the otherwise bucolic landscape,

feasting on the freshest roadkill cuisine - a skunk.

surely it's not the mildest of meals,

but they carry on.

the menacing birds

turn their foreboding gaze toward you

before they fly away for the time being.

you know they'll be back.

so,

train a sharp eye

and

plan

accordingly.

saying hello

...you're a boy who is sick of saying "so long"...

the nomadism continues.

it's not intrinsically any easier this time around.

this may be your strangest place and time yet.

it might be more desert than garden.

however, wisdom laps the shores in mightier waves,

and as promised, He has taught you

to watch, fight, and pray

in volumes, degrees, densities, and masses unbeknownst to you

six, nine, twelve, twenty months ago.

your eyes are keener to see past this

light momentary affliction

than they were then.

all the leaving and arriving and planes and trains and automobiles

may have indeed given you a hearty helping of goodbyesickness,

but it has also cultivated

the dexterity

to say

"hello."

"nice to meet you."

skewl

you've done this a few times.

applied.  enrolled.  advised.  scheduled.

syllabi.  101.  201.  301.

homework.  quizzes.  tests.  papers.  projects.  labs.

notebooks.  pens.  pencils.

MLA.  Chicago.  APA.

deadlines.  due dates.  finals.

you have eaten, slept, and breathed this for years.

regardless, you're not too good

to do it again.

your experience does make you entitled to

laziness,

lackadaisical attitudes,

or a sense of superiority.

your call to humility ain't no quicksilver beckoning,

so buckle down, sir.

old hat, new shoes, pt. ii

as you walk,

you become even more convicted

of some of your longest-held convictions,

as well as ones that have dawned

and that you have donned

in more recent years.

persevere through the political tensions, culture wars,

discussions, debates,

and international competitions

that make your dormant inner gymnast, martial artist, and tennis player churn.

there's truth that will outlast it all.

old hat, new shoes

stumble the steps into the new-old.

the marketplace becomes a minefield for strange(r) interactions.

former classmates, former teachers, acquaintances,

people who were once really good friends, people you knew from church.

i knew who they were, but i don't know who they are.

they knew who i was, but they don't know who i am.

what's the remedy?  how do you connect, four years removed?

to "start over" would be cliche and inappropriate, considering your former association.


to dodge the situation entirely would be impractical, and wouldn't actually solve the issue at hand.


one thing's for sure, though:


you're both walking differently this time around.

leave room for that.

social skills deficit #87 - goodbyes

what should i say?  how much of a speech should it be?  in what amount of detail will i tell him/her about how much i appreciate him/her?  of the things i feel like i should say, why haven't i said them already?  what kept me from affirming them regularly in our day-to-day life before this farewell?  what if he/she is uncomfortable with x level of affection?   hug?  handshake?  text message?  facebook message?  who will be most disappointed if i forget or don't get a chance to say goodbye to them?  are these concerns even warranted, given the x length of absence?

i admire the people who don't have these qualms.

testimonies

"So, what's your testimony?"

It's a question I have always struggled to answer. I was very young when I came to know Jesus. I don't even physically remember the hour I first believed.

For the longest time, I have answered simply, "I grew up in a Christian family." I've always felt like such a bore giving this answer, especially when it has followed stories of drugs and depression and attempted suicide and intense family issues.

To be frank, I've had a pretty easy life compared to much (if not most) of the world. Problems? Yeah. Sin? Oh, yeah. Even so, I have two wonderful parents who love me very much and whose reverence for Christ was more than evident in their parenting. My upbringing was comfortable and privileged. I had and still have many good friends. I grew up in a church that, despite its past or present struggles, taught me a lot about Jesus and increased my love for him. I've never had any period of rebellion or serious doubt. No really traumatic childhood experiences. I have an education. I've always been fairly healthy. I've never had anyone close to me die. I could go on.

This has always felt like such a lame testimony to me, and recently I've become convicted as to why: in spite of what I know to be true in my mind, my heart is not fully convinced by God's sovereignty or graciousness. I fail to understand that these things in my life are blessings, and that he gave them to me for his glory. It's nothing I did or earned or ever deserved.

...and that's the nature of grace.

It seems more scandalous to me every day.

how I sound when I explain my future plans

things i have recently googled

1. urbanization of las vegas
2. who was st. alban
3. nashville weather
4. edwin warner park
5. shows in nashville
6. luxury real estate switzerland
7. where does the colorado river run dry
8. lake mead
9. jan terri album

t-oolong

a year ago, you returned home from anglo central

not knowing how the time you spent there would affect you.

in the first six months back, you still weren't quite sure.

but, at a year's distance, you've begun to sense it:

a part of you lies dormant - a second, internalized culture.

day-to-day, you may forget that it's there.

but, on occasion, it will emerge, often in very peculiar ways.

whether it's opening the cold medicine you bought with the pound sterling,

taking a sip of a strong ginger soda,

or overhearing dry humour that utterly drips union jacks,

something in you stirs.  a second language briefly fights its way up.

though it may be quite a while until it you use it actively and fluently once again,

you can't help but grin, simply because it's there.

Newlyweds were here.

Congrats!

versagen

...when you can't think of a witty remark, a foreign language will do.

fail fail failure.  it has been around since the bite into that fruit.  don't blame eve, though, because i would have, too, and so would you and him and her and he and she.

we were born good at it and are well-practiced at it.

but, thanks to jesus, it's not who i am.

Flint (For The Unemployed And Underpaid)

Since the first of June

lost my job and lost my room

I pretend to try

even if I tried alone

sundrenched world

baking injuries

blue sky, long drives

bucket lists, spinning hourglasses

laundry and dishes

sweating out an ocean

hue mid itty

somebody else's sunglasses

waiting, waiting, waiting, on this, on that

fictional theme parks and cities

spring cleaning

buying and selling ephemeral stuff

bill-paying

trilogies

fruit flies, ants, cockroaches

iced caramel macchiatos

episodes, tv shows, heartwarming and cringe-inducing

reading 8 books at the same time, finishing 0

good food

studios

rocking, jamming, beatboxing

late night conversations

crumpled-up receipts that need to be thrown away

thrifting

praising Jesus.

reside-ence

"Do you live here in Bolivar?"

"Uh, kind of."

blank stare

Standardized Tests

Real life is far grittier than they.

I mean, really.

Rule #2 Of Spring Cleaning

C.Y.T./J.

Compact Your Trash/Junk

...because even a pile of dirty clothes is better than vines of laundry strewn across the room.

It makes your mess smaller.  Maybe it just looks more manageable.

Whatever.  It helps, either way.

Rule #1 Of Spring Cleaning

G.R.O.U.C.

Get Rid Of Useless Crap

I am an extremely sentimental person.  It's a fault.

I keep many things around just for the sake of the memories attached to them,

even if these things are literally trash.

I'm learning that if I don't want to become a pack rat,

I need to start throwing away/giving away/recycling some stuff.

Life here is too short and finite to be saving old candy wrappers

just because the candy was really good and I consumed it

on a particularly fun night with friends.

Maybe I'm not quite that pathetic,

but regardless, it's worldly and finite,

and Jesus isn't.

pomp + circumstance(s)

standing plainclothes in a sea of smiling people in caps and gowns

on cinco de mayo/birthday of two friends,

it's hard not to

a:  smile yourself.

b:  praise the Lord.

c:  dance.

you have spent so much of your life

wanting to be different,

trying to be different,

doing things for the sake of individuality,

seeking uniqueness wherever it might be found.

you scorned those who followed the crowd.

the whole hipster attitude ain't nothin' new under the sun.

you succeeded in many of these endeavors.

you reaped what you sowed.

now, what are you going to do with these obscure interests

and lack of knowledge of things

that so many people take for granted?

When we come to it

...is when we'll cross that bridge.

As cliche as the adage may be,

I find it biblical,

and it has been sanity-saving as of late

when I've had the decency to take note of it.

All of the what-ifs and contingency plans and furrowed brows

over things that have not happened and may never happen

will only bring about more stress, strain, wrinkles, and gray hair in the end.

Don't believe the lie that they will add hours to your life

or cubits to your height.

Each day really does have plenty of trouble of its own.

So, seek first the Kingdom.

It has a really great King.

Matthew 6:25-34

Jack-of-All-Trades

master of none.
oder, Hansdampf in allen Gassen.

He knows stuff.

He knows a little bit,

a little bit about almost everything.

He knows about whatever you're talking about, to an extent.

When he doesn't, he can smile, nod convincingly, and say just the right things.

His list of soft skills runs around the block and back.

But, stick a needle into his inflated facade of cultural capital,

put him in real, practical situations

where life is short, shrewd focus is required, technicalities abound, and results matter,

and

watch

him

deflate.

the chills

you had begun to become acclimated to it,

the onset of the humid subtropical

springsummer.

but, in drops a cold front, unexpectedly.

most days, you would happily welcome any unanticipated visitor,

but this one caught you rather off guard, out of balance.

the hawkish drafts bring with them

silly doubts, foolishness, buffoonery,

a dire scarcity of wisdom and direction.

no matter how the nippy winds cackle as they bluster past your eardrums,

lose no faith in the promise of a plan

and the understanding that will come with it.

Nichts.

Nothing can for sin atone
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
Naught of good that I have done
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

the wind

it does its thing again.

your clothes begin to billow around you,

and furrows make their way through your hair,

making you well aware that

you will soon be at its mercy -

adrift.

no matter how much you insist

that you've had more than your fill of liminality,

it gives you another hearty helping.

"eat up."

this oncoming gust is not your first.

you've experienced this many, many times,

and have learned a thing or two along the way.

you know this is not all in vain.  there is purpose.

you know that, thanks to grace, it'll be okay.

but, that air charging past your skin

feels oh so chilly in the meantime.

fear

don't.

allow it no foothold.

let it be neither your motivation nor your inhibition.

pray to defeat your flesh that is so quick to tremble.

pray to know and believe and feel your savior's might.

fear him, instead.

that's another kind of fear, though -

a good one,  a better one:

the beginning of wisdom.

so,

fear him,

and be no scared little boy.

You know, the traditional wedding vows are actually pretty solid.

thoughts on pruning, change, and the like

"He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more."
-John 15:2

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
-Romans 12:2

"Oh, oh, things are gonna change now, for the better..."
-Anberlin, "Dismantle.Repair"

"Alles kann besser werden."
Everything can be better.
-Xavier Naidoo, "Alles kann besser werden"

"Sometimes it's so hard to tell
what to keep and what to kill,
what of this makes us who we are
all that we love the most,
all that we cannot let go,
how much change can we survive?"
-Sara Groves, "Rewrite This Tragedy"

"I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
-Galations 2:20

"I know I've lost my conscience,
I know I've lost all shame,
but I must do the right thing,
I must do myself a favor and get real,
get right with the Lord."

-Sufjan Stevens, "Get Real Get Right"

"Beautiful changes I feel sometimes
in the middle of the late morning dishes
when You say I might do anything at all."
-The Innocence Mission, "Walking Around"

"Learn this lesson well, my friend:
there's a time to rejoice and lament.
Every season will find an end.
All will fade and be made new again."
-Josh Garrels, "Rejoice and Lament"

"On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"
-John 7:37-38

right rite wright write
wrongs.

memoirs of a spring un-break

i went to some friends' house right after work

dressed in full work garb.

they were in their car, about to drive away.

"get in!  we're going to harris teeter!"

ironic.  not the one i work at, though, thankfully.

we got groceries.  i bagged them, much to the confusion of the cashier.

"do we have a new worker?" - harris teeter employee named "coffee."

we returned to my friends' house, cooked a meal,

and watched a jane austen movie.

i actually paid attention and understood it, surprisingly.

---

i went to some friends' house.

we made pizza from scratch,

save the pre-made crust.

tasty, it was.

it was also quieter in that estate than i had ever experienced.

but, it was nice.

---

i went with a friend to an outlet

of the largest retailer in the world.

we walked in with the purpose

of getting blank CDs, chicken, milk, eggs, and syrup.

check.

on the way out, he realized he did not have his keys.

we retraced our steps.  unsuccessful for a while.

i finally found them in the knives section.

relief.

---

i went to my community group, tortillas in hand.

burritos were made.

a celebration for many good things that

have happened, are happening, will soon happen.

after a bit, i became the only single person in the room.

and the youngest, by a couple years.

all acquaintances.  wonderful ones, but acquaintances nonetheless.

it shouldn't have mattered.  it didn't matter.

but i couldn't seem to shake the uncomfortable, anxious feeling, so i left.

that's something i hope to get past.

---

praise the lord in silly, unusual situations. praise him in the shaky steps, and the deafening silences.  praise him no matter who you're with, and when you're with nobody at all.  praise him.

My Schweizer Offiziersmesser

oh, how it comes in handy.

thanks again, switzerland.

22

twin-tea too.

pleased to meet you.

i may forget your name a few times over the next few weeks, and possibly the next couple months.  i hope you'll forgive me when i do.  nothing personal.  it's only that i just spent a year with 21, and you look so similar.

you and i have come a long way to get here, to meet each other here.  i'm looking forward to befriending you in this year that we'll know one another.  i'm sure we'll have some great times.  i'm also sure there will be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.  brace yourself.

don't get comfortable.  there will be changes.  the upcoming months are translucent at best.  be sober and vigilant.  keep your eyes wide open.  left turn yield on green.

there will be many goodbyes.  too many.  it will be bitter.  and sweet.  and sour.  trust me.  i know.  19, 20, and 21 taught me a lot about them.

let's take on some humility.  cut ourselves down to size.  some of our ventures won't be so glamorous.  but that is okay.  our perfect savior was dusty and homeless.

are you ready for this?  it's gonna be quite a ride.  i hope that you'll bear with me through the messes, the joys, the failures, the sorrows, and the laughter.  i'll try and do the same for you.

now, let's go.

In my many years

of German classes, there have been a few phrases that have really stuck in my mind for whatever reason.

Some of them are silly and frivolous:

"Ohne Rechner geht's auch nicht."
It doesn't work without a calculator.


"Eine kleine Kuh, machte immer 'Muh.'"
A small cow always said "moo."


"Hinter Hermann Hannes Haus hängen hundert Hemden raus."
Behind Hermann Hanne's house, a hundred shirts are hanging out.


Then, there are some that are a bit more serious and profound.  Most of these come from my German professor at Belmont, who was one of my favorite professors, ever.  One of them is bouncing around in my head tonight.  I forgot the context, but I'm pretty sure it was in my class about divided Germany.  Maybe it was the mood I was in when my professor said it, and I'm sure her native German accent and earnest tone helped, but it really struck me:

"Ich verstehe, wer ich bin, und ich verstehe, warum ich so bin."
I understand who I am, and I understand why I am so.

take a bite.

your flesh doesn't want to.

there's just so much.

so much history in the community in which you find yourself.

years of pain, loss, brokenness, suffering, sin.

doubts, confusion, questions.

there's also laughter, understanding, growth.

leaps, bounds, smiles, healing, maturity.

so much going on.  then, now, and to come.

it swirls around you.

it's over there, it's over here, it's in you.

sometimes you see it from afar, sometimes you see it happening in front of you,

and sometimes, you're very much a part of it.

it's just so much.

all of this - you're called to share in it.

eh, minus the sin part.  that will happen, though.

rejoice.  mourn.  bear burdens.  it's a command.

it's not easy, and you can't do it alone.  you're not really programmed for it...

but there's Christ.  and he's got a helper.

ask for his help.  it's him doing his work, anyway.

---

romans 12:15
galatians 6:2

Dwight D., Ed.D.

fiff T. fore  [cards in a deck]

whoa.  this man.

in a world of absent, distant, abusive, neglectful, and just plain terrible fathers,

i got pretty darn lucky.

or blessed, really.

i've only known him about 38.888888888888% of his life,

but those twenty-one years have been filled with some really quality stuff -

corny puns and math lessons making the list.  the bottom of it, though.  winkface.

i praise Jesus for the rest.

happy birthday to my favorite male quinquagenarian!  [<---from whom i inherited this nerdiness.  i say this out of love.]

"Valentime's."

-me, age 5

I have been single for the past 21 February 14ths, and I'm okay with that number.  For now.

Ausfall.

our flesh and our cultural milieu are telling us to do everything we can 

to be better than everyone else.

i have listened far too closely.

gross.

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

-Philippians 2:3-4

diem insolitus

lazy saturday meets

just plain weird.  and a bit sad.

but good stuff mixed in.

humanity at its best and worst in minutes.  both still needing a savior.

it would be a difficult day to recreate.

it was almost like watching a movie -

a very indie movie.

bizarre.  pizarro, francisco.  discovered peru.

i am off my rocker.

i am.  i'm in a spinny office chair.

my sleep/eat schedule made no sense,

and now all i want to do

is eat carrots and celery in my sleep.

i'll stop sounding like a schizophrenic now

and go to bed

without carrots or celery.

but, that's okay.  i'll probably dream about them, at this rate.

learn. unlearn. relearn.

1.  you learn an important lesson.  your life is changed by a new truth (i.e. something from the Bible, where super-cool truth is found).  you seek to live by it.

2.  time passes.  your mental knowledge of the truth remains, but your discipline in it falters.  gradually, you start living as though you don't know the truth anymore, even though you do know it; it's just out of sight, out of mind.

3.  you complain about your life to friends. they lovingly remind you of this truth.  your pride makes you angry and bitter because you already knew this truth, and you feel like you're being treated like a juvenile for being reminded of it.

4.  you realize that you really did need to hear it again.

being okay

the lessons continue to be learned,

and they transform your life

more and more and more.

you find that His ways

can brake even the most tumultuous of roller coasters.

you find that His peace can overwhelm

the most anxious, insecure thoughts and feelings.

even when you thought for sure that it wouldn't,

the hyperalgesia begins to subside.

things that would have harrowed you to the core

a few weeks ago

are now seen through far clearer lenses

and easily put in their place.

you find yourself laughing at things

that would have tangled your heartstrings into hopeless knots

and deprived you of sleep just last month.

this change ain't no work of the flesh.

of that, you're more than sure.

and you continue to laugh,

because thanks to Him,

you're okay.

man. manch. manchester.

this actually happened.  what?

wait, really?

a year ago today, i flew there.  lived there.  for half a year.

sitting here and thinking about it,

it doesn't seem real.

jamais vu, if i've ever experienced it.

yet, when i stare long and hard at the pictures

or quickly zoom in on that island

to oxford road,

things begin to stir -

images, thoughts, feelings,

wonderful and horrible.

excitement and discomfort.

though i can't quite describe all of the ways,

the place and time run deep.

inhaling today's chilly air

was all the indication i needed.

be okay, pt. III

you don't have total control over how others feel.

that's the reality.

yes, your actions can certainly contribute;

thus, be Christlike in how you treat others, as you are commanded.

love.  forgive.  speak truth.

seek reconciliation where it has yet to be found.

go as far as it depends on you -

and there's the thing.  at a point, it won't depend on you any longer.

people may still want to see the world burn, and you with it.

people may still want to darken your days with a monstrous grudge.

at that point, it's on them.

you know full well.  you've been on that side of things before.

don't let anyone's malice ensnare your joy.

He took that hit a couple thousand years ago

and saved you from it.

do be sensitive of the feelings of others,

but don't live, breathe, or swear by them.

seal yourself instead to your place

as a child of the most royal royalty, ever.

then, be okay,

because you can and will be.

be okay, pt. II

this time, the social sphere.

awkwardness is mostly just a feeling - 

one that is often unnecessary and illegitimate.

when you stumble over words,

when you hesitate,

when the topic goes awry,

when you have to ask "what?" several times,

when there's a lull in the conversation

because there's nothing to say,

don't panic.  there's really no need to squirm.

let it be what it is.

what makes you expect smooth, streamlined social interactions?

talking isn't like writing,

and real conversations are not like those in movies and on television.

it's not all perfectly scripted.  accept that.

when you find yourself alone with a person or people

you don't know well,

recognize the fact that there just may not be much to talk about quite yet.

it's okay.  throw asunder any discomfort that may arise.

be at peace with the silence, yourself, and the other person.

do this without reaching for your cell phone or ipod.

shutting the curtains down on people isn't going to improve your sociability.

so, just be okay.

too good not to share

thanks, eloisita!

be okay.

yes, life requires

that you stand up, settle the score, be alert, make things right.

rise and obey Him.

pray for the strength and the grace to do so.

but, also remember to just be okay.

accept that life is messy. it isnt' and won't be perfect.

you ain't no smooth talker, no smooth walker.  you will stumble.

it's been that way since the bite into the fruit in that garden.

don't live in fear of what trials may come your way,

especially the ones that exist only in your unnecessarily worrisome mind.

don't live in fear of the trials that plague you now.

sorrows come and go.

feelings - of whatever kind - may or may not be legitimate,

but there's something better to live by.

He withholds no good thing.

remember who He is

and what these good things actually are.

fall in love with that.

and be okay.

---

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

-John 14:27