I don't know what this year means to me exactly.
When I'm like 50 (if I make it that far) how will I remember this year? What will this one year that I spent at Samford University in suburban Birmingham, Alabama mean to me? Who will I remember? How will I remember the Samford experience as a whole?
One thing's for sure:
I have done a lot of growing up here.
Nothing could ever remake me into the kid that climbed into his luggage-filled Toyota Corolla and left his small, cozy, Midwestern hometown to go to college in Birmingham, Alabama, 562 miles away.
"Found my way through the door to the great unknown;
[Something was telling me that this would shape my destiny]
Take my hand, understand you are not alone."
____________________________________________
Update: Belmont accepts me! All of my credits transferred. Hallelujah {Hebrew, "Hallelu Yah" = Praise the Lord!)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Verdict
After several weeks of thoughts, prayers, discussions with friends and family, and inner turmoil, I've finally reached a decision.
Upon acceptance, I will be transferring to Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee. I'll be majoring in sociology with a cultural studies emphasis.
I am...
relieved.
excited.
nervous.
anxious.
happy.
content.
*huge sigh of relief*
Upon acceptance, I will be transferring to Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee. I'll be majoring in sociology with a cultural studies emphasis.
I am...
relieved.
excited.
nervous.
anxious.
happy.
content.
*huge sigh of relief*
Friday, March 20, 2009
Here and Now
I spent so much time wanting to grow up. Trying to grow up.
Trying to act like an adult...
Now all I want is to be a kid again.
Just for a little while. Just a day.
Just an hour.
I wrote this in a journal when I was 15. They're not my original words; I copied them from a Star Wars novel (nerdy, I know) in which the main character is plagued by philosophical conundrums as he faces adulthood. He is also too introspective for his own good. Sounds just like me.
I've come a long way since 15, or at least I'd certainly like to think so. Now that I'm 19, reading that quote again (and feeling the same way I did when I copied it at 15) has made me realize something about myself: I often find myself looking forward to the next big thing. In elementary school, I looked forward to intermediate school. In intermediate school, I couldn't wait to be in middle school. In middle school, I felt I couldn't possibly be complete until I got to high school, where I spent so much time preparing for college.
Preparing for and looking forward to the future is not a bad thing in itself, but I do it to an extremely unhealthy extent. I think so much about my future that I forget that there's a present. On the rare occasion that I do manage to come back to the present, I find myself lost and confused as to where I am now and what I'm doing here.
Why do I worry about tomorrow when each day has enough trouble of its own?
Jesus sure knew what He was talking about on that Mount.
Trying to act like an adult...
Now all I want is to be a kid again.
Just for a little while. Just a day.
Just an hour.
I wrote this in a journal when I was 15. They're not my original words; I copied them from a Star Wars novel (nerdy, I know) in which the main character is plagued by philosophical conundrums as he faces adulthood. He is also too introspective for his own good. Sounds just like me.
I've come a long way since 15, or at least I'd certainly like to think so. Now that I'm 19, reading that quote again (and feeling the same way I did when I copied it at 15) has made me realize something about myself: I often find myself looking forward to the next big thing. In elementary school, I looked forward to intermediate school. In intermediate school, I couldn't wait to be in middle school. In middle school, I felt I couldn't possibly be complete until I got to high school, where I spent so much time preparing for college.
Preparing for and looking forward to the future is not a bad thing in itself, but I do it to an extremely unhealthy extent. I think so much about my future that I forget that there's a present. On the rare occasion that I do manage to come back to the present, I find myself lost and confused as to where I am now and what I'm doing here.
Why do I worry about tomorrow when each day has enough trouble of its own?
Jesus sure knew what He was talking about on that Mount.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Peace
I have a purpose. Ultimately, as a follower of Christ, I am called to make disciples. Of all nations.
What I'm really struggling with is how I can best get there from here (college).
I wrote the previous post in my journal on Sunday night. In the two days since then, I've already felt more at peace about it. I'm still in the throes of the big decision, but I'm still breathing. My heart's still beating. Nothing and nobody can provide peace like Jesus.
See we're not alone
He makes Himself known
In time, His own time
So breathe
Life will surprise you
Just be
It's what the world denies you
You see
The truth is all around you
Believe.
(From Brandon Heath's song "Beauty Divine")
Peace in.
What I'm really struggling with is how I can best get there from here (college).
I wrote the previous post in my journal on Sunday night. In the two days since then, I've already felt more at peace about it. I'm still in the throes of the big decision, but I'm still breathing. My heart's still beating. Nothing and nobody can provide peace like Jesus.
See we're not alone
He makes Himself known
In time, His own time
So breathe
Life will surprise you
Just be
It's what the world denies you
You see
The truth is all around you
Believe.
(From Brandon Heath's song "Beauty Divine")
Peace in.
The "T" Word
I thought I would never have to use it, but push has come to shove, and a tornado of circumstances has carried me to the edge: I'm considering the possibility of transferring.
In high school when I was thinking about which college to go to, I had a lot of options. Since my dad is a professor at SBU, which is part of a :club: called the Coalition of Christian Colleges and Universities, I could go to any college that was a member of the CCCU free of tuition. While this was definitely a blessing, upon further examination of the schools on the list, I found that most of them were very small, several with less than 1,000 undergraduates, and therefore had a limited selection of majors. In other words, they just weren't very appealing to me, since I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and was looking for more possibilities and opportunities. As such, I began looking at colleges outside of the "free" list.
I became intrigued by Samford. When I first visited Samford, I was overwhelmed by its awesomeness: the students and professors were so nice and the campus was so great and Birmingham was so cool and Samford had basically every majror in which I had ever expressed any interest. I got a decent deal: a good music scholarship, an academic scholarship, and planned on a music and geography double major. I was finally getting the heck outta Dodge. My future seemed to be lining up smoothly.
The first semester happened. I didn't enjoy being a music major at all. I was only doing it for the scholarship money, and I had no plans whatsoever to go into a music career. So, I relieved myself of the music major, lost the scholarship, and continued with geography.
Then it smacked me in the face again, as it has many times before: I don't know what I want to do with my life. So here I am paying through the nose for a geography degree that I don't even know what I'm going to do with. Suddenly Samford doesn't seem like the good deal that it once was.
Don't get me wrong. I love it here. Yes, I have had some adjustment issues, but regardless, I still love the people and the campus and my classes. The thought of transferring is heartbreaking.
I have so many fiddly doubts, worries, and questions.
"Where will I even go? What will I study when I get there? If I go, will I have wasted an entire year's worth of time, money, and effort here at Samford?
Yet again, I am failing to trust God. That has got to change. Now.
In high school when I was thinking about which college to go to, I had a lot of options. Since my dad is a professor at SBU, which is part of a :club: called the Coalition of Christian Colleges and Universities, I could go to any college that was a member of the CCCU free of tuition. While this was definitely a blessing, upon further examination of the schools on the list, I found that most of them were very small, several with less than 1,000 undergraduates, and therefore had a limited selection of majors. In other words, they just weren't very appealing to me, since I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and was looking for more possibilities and opportunities. As such, I began looking at colleges outside of the "free" list.
I became intrigued by Samford. When I first visited Samford, I was overwhelmed by its awesomeness: the students and professors were so nice and the campus was so great and Birmingham was so cool and Samford had basically every majror in which I had ever expressed any interest. I got a decent deal: a good music scholarship, an academic scholarship, and planned on a music and geography double major. I was finally getting the heck outta Dodge. My future seemed to be lining up smoothly.
The first semester happened. I didn't enjoy being a music major at all. I was only doing it for the scholarship money, and I had no plans whatsoever to go into a music career. So, I relieved myself of the music major, lost the scholarship, and continued with geography.
Then it smacked me in the face again, as it has many times before: I don't know what I want to do with my life. So here I am paying through the nose for a geography degree that I don't even know what I'm going to do with. Suddenly Samford doesn't seem like the good deal that it once was.
Don't get me wrong. I love it here. Yes, I have had some adjustment issues, but regardless, I still love the people and the campus and my classes. The thought of transferring is heartbreaking.
I have so many fiddly doubts, worries, and questions.
"Where will I even go? What will I study when I get there? If I go, will I have wasted an entire year's worth of time, money, and effort here at Samford?
Yet again, I am failing to trust God. That has got to change. Now.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Decisions, Decisions...
Life's chock-full of them.
Current one: graduate college in three years with one major, or four years with two majors?
___________________________________________________________________
Three-Year Track Pros:
With the current economic climate, it'd be a good thing to have two degrees, and in turn, more options, but now that I've planned on graduating in three years for so long, I feel really claustrophobic at the thought of staying an additional year. My parents have encouraged me time and time again to not rush college because they had such a great time. They made many lifelong friends and dated and married each other. I understand their sentiment.
However, I think my circumstances are different. I haven't admitted it to myself until recently, but to be quite honest, I'm not having the greatest experience here. College just hasn't been what I expected it to be. I haven't made any good friends. I don't have any quality girls clamoring to be my future wife. I enjoy my classes and my professors, but I don't feel like I'm learning a whole lot. I'm struggling to foresee how much more I will actually know when I graduate. What if I graduate to find that I spent like $100,000 just to learn that Dutch people settled New Amsterdam? I'm not trying to whine or complain or solicit sympathy. I'm just expressing my experience thus far.
Maybe I'm just being cynical. In 8th grade (barftastic year) history class, we had to keep a weekly journal of thoughts and opinions for Mrs. Ross. Once, as she handed my graded journal back, she told me in the most dead-serious tone possible, "You are too young to be that cynical." I don't remember what I had written about, and she had given me an A, but it what she said scared the heeby jeebies outta me. Here I am, six years later, and I'm still just as cynical, if not more. But that's besides the point.
I trust that God's got my future in His hands. I see his work, love, and forgiveness in my past. What's hardest for me is the present. I just don't know what to do here and now.
I need patience.
Current one: graduate college in three years with one major, or four years with two majors?
___________________________________________________________________
Three-Year Track Pros:
- Saves quite a bit of money; a whole year less of tuition, room/board, and fees.
- It's faster (obviously). I could "get on with my life" sooner, if you will.
- It's what I've planned on doing for quite a while now.
- I still have no clue what I want to do with my life, so why the hurry to graduate from college?
- I may not get the full college experience. My parents have repeatedly told me not to hurry college, because I might be passing up opportunities, growing experiences, and good times with friends.
- I'd graduate with two majors, which would make me more "marketable," or so I've been told.
- I'd supposedly get the full four-year college experience.
- With the extra year, it's more possible that I might learn more about what I want to do with my life.
- To quote Luke Skywalker when his uncle wants him to stay for the harvest, "But it's a whole 'nother year!"
- It's a whole 'nother year to be indebted by tuition, room/board, and fees.
- I don't really know what the second major would be. Maybe Sociology or German (random, I know).
With the current economic climate, it'd be a good thing to have two degrees, and in turn, more options, but now that I've planned on graduating in three years for so long, I feel really claustrophobic at the thought of staying an additional year. My parents have encouraged me time and time again to not rush college because they had such a great time. They made many lifelong friends and dated and married each other. I understand their sentiment.
However, I think my circumstances are different. I haven't admitted it to myself until recently, but to be quite honest, I'm not having the greatest experience here. College just hasn't been what I expected it to be. I haven't made any good friends. I don't have any quality girls clamoring to be my future wife. I enjoy my classes and my professors, but I don't feel like I'm learning a whole lot. I'm struggling to foresee how much more I will actually know when I graduate. What if I graduate to find that I spent like $100,000 just to learn that Dutch people settled New Amsterdam? I'm not trying to whine or complain or solicit sympathy. I'm just expressing my experience thus far.
Maybe I'm just being cynical. In 8th grade (barftastic year) history class, we had to keep a weekly journal of thoughts and opinions for Mrs. Ross. Once, as she handed my graded journal back, she told me in the most dead-serious tone possible, "You are too young to be that cynical." I don't remember what I had written about, and she had given me an A, but it what she said scared the heeby jeebies outta me. Here I am, six years later, and I'm still just as cynical, if not more. But that's besides the point.
I trust that God's got my future in His hands. I see his work, love, and forgiveness in my past. What's hardest for me is the present. I just don't know what to do here and now.
I need patience.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Recent Events...
...because the last two posts have been heavier, I thought I'd share some more lighthearted happ'nings of late.
Weekend of February 20-22 - My parents flew to Birmingham to hang out, and we had a blast. We went downtown and toured the Civil Rights Museum, the art museum, ate lunch at Bottega's Cafe, went on a scenic drive through suburban Birmingham, walked around the Summit, ate at Joe's Crab Shack, and had a super-dee-duper swell time. I absolutely love and admire my parents, and of course, didn't realize how much I took them for granted until I went off to college 562 miles away from home.
Week of February 23-27 - A good week. The busiest/most productive week yet. I took my first multiple-choice test since coming to Samford, and it was glorious. Read a lot for U.S. & Canada Regional Geography and Cultural Perspectives. My birthday was on Thursday, and it was great; I had one class in the morning, and I was able to relax the rest of the day. Had a good conversation with my brother and then my parents on the phone. Went to college worship gathering at my church in the evening and I loved it, as usual (I love just about everything affiliated with my church: the services, the pastor, my small group, but most importantly, Jesus).
This past weekend - Spent most of Saturday working on a paper for Cultural Perspectives. On Sunday morning, it SNOWED! I was thrilled to see snow down here, especially since it was already the first of March. It's kind of funny; I got on Facebook on Saturday morning, and all of my MO friends were like, "Hey, it snowed." Then when I awoke Sunday morning, I got on Facebook and everyone here at Samford was like, "OH MY GOSH, IT SNOWED!" It was only like 2.5ish inches, but I overheard a senior say that that's the biggest snowfall here in the last four years. Either way, I was glad to see it. I went to church where hardly anyone showed up. By the time I walked out into the parking lot after the service, the snow was almost all the way melted! Bummer. I got to my car in the parking lot, and when I tried starting it, nothing happened. I sat there and troubleshooted for half and hour, before I called my parents and whined about it, and they reminded me of my AAA membership, so I called AAA, and they got all my information and I gave them directions to my location. It was a while before assistance showed up, and when the help guy finally got to me, the hood of my car wouldn't open for some reason, and it took a long time to finally figure out what was wrong. When we were finally able to pop the hood, we jumped the battery, and my car FINALLY started. I was in that parking lot for almost three hours! It was quite an experience. It made me realize how impatient I can be and how much I take driving for granted due to living in a country that has one of the highest rates of car ownership per capita. When compared to the rest of the world, I'm lucky to even have a car. Anyway, I got back to my dorm, finished my CP paper, had a good conversation with my RA, read a lot, and made it to bed very worn out.
Life's good. I've got victory in the form of a crucified Savior.
Weekend of February 20-22 - My parents flew to Birmingham to hang out, and we had a blast. We went downtown and toured the Civil Rights Museum, the art museum, ate lunch at Bottega's Cafe, went on a scenic drive through suburban Birmingham, walked around the Summit, ate at Joe's Crab Shack, and had a super-dee-duper swell time. I absolutely love and admire my parents, and of course, didn't realize how much I took them for granted until I went off to college 562 miles away from home.
Week of February 23-27 - A good week. The busiest/most productive week yet. I took my first multiple-choice test since coming to Samford, and it was glorious. Read a lot for U.S. & Canada Regional Geography and Cultural Perspectives. My birthday was on Thursday, and it was great; I had one class in the morning, and I was able to relax the rest of the day. Had a good conversation with my brother and then my parents on the phone. Went to college worship gathering at my church in the evening and I loved it, as usual (I love just about everything affiliated with my church: the services, the pastor, my small group, but most importantly, Jesus).
This past weekend - Spent most of Saturday working on a paper for Cultural Perspectives. On Sunday morning, it SNOWED! I was thrilled to see snow down here, especially since it was already the first of March. It's kind of funny; I got on Facebook on Saturday morning, and all of my MO friends were like, "Hey, it snowed." Then when I awoke Sunday morning, I got on Facebook and everyone here at Samford was like, "OH MY GOSH, IT SNOWED!" It was only like 2.5ish inches, but I overheard a senior say that that's the biggest snowfall here in the last four years. Either way, I was glad to see it. I went to church where hardly anyone showed up. By the time I walked out into the parking lot after the service, the snow was almost all the way melted! Bummer. I got to my car in the parking lot, and when I tried starting it, nothing happened. I sat there and troubleshooted for half and hour, before I called my parents and whined about it, and they reminded me of my AAA membership, so I called AAA, and they got all my information and I gave them directions to my location. It was a while before assistance showed up, and when the help guy finally got to me, the hood of my car wouldn't open for some reason, and it took a long time to finally figure out what was wrong. When we were finally able to pop the hood, we jumped the battery, and my car FINALLY started. I was in that parking lot for almost three hours! It was quite an experience. It made me realize how impatient I can be and how much I take driving for granted due to living in a country that has one of the highest rates of car ownership per capita. When compared to the rest of the world, I'm lucky to even have a car. Anyway, I got back to my dorm, finished my CP paper, had a good conversation with my RA, read a lot, and made it to bed very worn out.
Life's good. I've got victory in the form of a crucified Savior.
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