old hat, new shoes

stumble the steps into the new-old.

the marketplace becomes a minefield for strange(r) interactions.

former classmates, former teachers, acquaintances,

people who were once really good friends, people you knew from church.

i knew who they were, but i don't know who they are.

they knew who i was, but they don't know who i am.

what's the remedy?  how do you connect, four years removed?

to "start over" would be cliche and inappropriate, considering your former association.


to dodge the situation entirely would be impractical, and wouldn't actually solve the issue at hand.


one thing's for sure, though:


you're both walking differently this time around.

leave room for that.

social skills deficit #87 - goodbyes

what should i say?  how much of a speech should it be?  in what amount of detail will i tell him/her about how much i appreciate him/her?  of the things i feel like i should say, why haven't i said them already?  what kept me from affirming them regularly in our day-to-day life before this farewell?  what if he/she is uncomfortable with x level of affection?   hug?  handshake?  text message?  facebook message?  who will be most disappointed if i forget or don't get a chance to say goodbye to them?  are these concerns even warranted, given the x length of absence?

i admire the people who don't have these qualms.

testimonies

"So, what's your testimony?"

It's a question I have always struggled to answer. I was very young when I came to know Jesus. I don't even physically remember the hour I first believed.

For the longest time, I have answered simply, "I grew up in a Christian family." I've always felt like such a bore giving this answer, especially when it has followed stories of drugs and depression and attempted suicide and intense family issues.

To be frank, I've had a pretty easy life compared to much (if not most) of the world. Problems? Yeah. Sin? Oh, yeah. Even so, I have two wonderful parents who love me very much and whose reverence for Christ was more than evident in their parenting. My upbringing was comfortable and privileged. I had and still have many good friends. I grew up in a church that, despite its past or present struggles, taught me a lot about Jesus and increased my love for him. I've never had any period of rebellion or serious doubt. No really traumatic childhood experiences. I have an education. I've always been fairly healthy. I've never had anyone close to me die. I could go on.

This has always felt like such a lame testimony to me, and recently I've become convicted as to why: in spite of what I know to be true in my mind, my heart is not fully convinced by God's sovereignty or graciousness. I fail to understand that these things in my life are blessings, and that he gave them to me for his glory. It's nothing I did or earned or ever deserved.

...and that's the nature of grace.

It seems more scandalous to me every day.