learn. unlearn. relearn.

1.  you learn an important lesson.  your life is changed by a new truth (i.e. something from the Bible, where super-cool truth is found).  you seek to live by it.

2.  time passes.  your mental knowledge of the truth remains, but your discipline in it falters.  gradually, you start living as though you don't know the truth anymore, even though you do know it; it's just out of sight, out of mind.

3.  you complain about your life to friends. they lovingly remind you of this truth.  your pride makes you angry and bitter because you already knew this truth, and you feel like you're being treated like a juvenile for being reminded of it.

4.  you realize that you really did need to hear it again.

being okay

the lessons continue to be learned,

and they transform your life

more and more and more.

you find that His ways

can brake even the most tumultuous of roller coasters.

you find that His peace can overwhelm

the most anxious, insecure thoughts and feelings.

even when you thought for sure that it wouldn't,

the hyperalgesia begins to subside.

things that would have harrowed you to the core

a few weeks ago

are now seen through far clearer lenses

and easily put in their place.

you find yourself laughing at things

that would have tangled your heartstrings into hopeless knots

and deprived you of sleep just last month.

this change ain't no work of the flesh.

of that, you're more than sure.

and you continue to laugh,

because thanks to Him,

you're okay.

man. manch. manchester.

this actually happened.  what?

wait, really?

a year ago today, i flew there.  lived there.  for half a year.

sitting here and thinking about it,

it doesn't seem real.

jamais vu, if i've ever experienced it.

yet, when i stare long and hard at the pictures

or quickly zoom in on that island

to oxford road,

things begin to stir -

images, thoughts, feelings,

wonderful and horrible.

excitement and discomfort.

though i can't quite describe all of the ways,

the place and time run deep.

inhaling today's chilly air

was all the indication i needed.

be okay, pt. III

you don't have total control over how others feel.

that's the reality.

yes, your actions can certainly contribute;

thus, be Christlike in how you treat others, as you are commanded.

love.  forgive.  speak truth.

seek reconciliation where it has yet to be found.

go as far as it depends on you -

and there's the thing.  at a point, it won't depend on you any longer.

people may still want to see the world burn, and you with it.

people may still want to darken your days with a monstrous grudge.

at that point, it's on them.

you know full well.  you've been on that side of things before.

don't let anyone's malice ensnare your joy.

He took that hit a couple thousand years ago

and saved you from it.

do be sensitive of the feelings of others,

but don't live, breathe, or swear by them.

seal yourself instead to your place

as a child of the most royal royalty, ever.

then, be okay,

because you can and will be.

be okay, pt. II

this time, the social sphere.

awkwardness is mostly just a feeling - 

one that is often unnecessary and illegitimate.

when you stumble over words,

when you hesitate,

when the topic goes awry,

when you have to ask "what?" several times,

when there's a lull in the conversation

because there's nothing to say,

don't panic.  there's really no need to squirm.

let it be what it is.

what makes you expect smooth, streamlined social interactions?

talking isn't like writing,

and real conversations are not like those in movies and on television.

it's not all perfectly scripted.  accept that.

when you find yourself alone with a person or people

you don't know well,

recognize the fact that there just may not be much to talk about quite yet.

it's okay.  throw asunder any discomfort that may arise.

be at peace with the silence, yourself, and the other person.

do this without reaching for your cell phone or ipod.

shutting the curtains down on people isn't going to improve your sociability.

so, just be okay.

too good not to share

thanks, eloisita!

be okay.

yes, life requires

that you stand up, settle the score, be alert, make things right.

rise and obey Him.

pray for the strength and the grace to do so.

but, also remember to just be okay.

accept that life is messy. it isnt' and won't be perfect.

you ain't no smooth talker, no smooth walker.  you will stumble.

it's been that way since the bite into the fruit in that garden.

don't live in fear of what trials may come your way,

especially the ones that exist only in your unnecessarily worrisome mind.

don't live in fear of the trials that plague you now.

sorrows come and go.

feelings - of whatever kind - may or may not be legitimate,

but there's something better to live by.

He withholds no good thing.

remember who He is

and what these good things actually are.

fall in love with that.

and be okay.

---

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

-John 14:27