Long, Whiny, Post

Something I'm too prideful to admit aloud:
I feel as though I have no friends here at Samford.

I know that it's not the complete truth. I'm not an antisocial loner. Depending on how loosely you define "friend," you could say that I have tons of friends here. I have lots of people that I have "befriended" through classes, activities, church, and other venues. I have "friends" that I eat lunch with, have good conversations with, and can stop and talk to. I love all of the people here (at least, I strive to as I'm commanded to do so). There are several people that I have a lot in common with.

In spite of all that, I feel like I don't have anybody with whom I can simply hang out. In addition, there's very little balance in the friends I do have- I either just have class with them and nothing else, or I just eat meals with them and nothing else, or just have ex. curricular activities with them and nothing else, etc. It seems as if there's no one who bridges any of these gaps.

My loneliness is easy to conceal on the outside, but on the inside, I'm often extremely discouraged.

Of course, my defensive mind jumps to several conclusions, all of which blame outside factors beyond my control. In psychological attribution theory, this is called the self-serving bias. We as humans tend to blame our failures on factors beyond our control, while attributing our successes to our personal effort. Regardless, I still make petty excuses, whether they're valid or not:

1. At Samford I experience cultural differences, on two counts. First is the regional culture difference, leaving the Midwest for the South, but when I really look at the differences with an honest examination, there are no stark, blaring, divisive differences that would really cause any difficulties in befriending people. I knew what to expect when I came.

The second big difference is the rift between my rural self and the predominantly suburban Samford. This, I think, is the paramount cultural difference that gives me (there's the self-serving bias again) the most difficulty when making friends. I'm used to making up fun, wild, and obscure things to do in and around small-town Bolivar. I'm used to hanging out at friends' houses because everything in town is closed after 9:00 P.M. I'm used to fields, backyards, porches, hills, and creeks. It's a bit funny - I never would have considered myself a simple, small-town country boy until I came here. Most people here at Samford have grown up around movie theaters, shopping malls, restaurants, nightclubs, 24-hour public places, and other common, money-dependent facets of suburbia. I'm not necessarily trying to criticize the suburban lifestyle; my point is that when it comes down to "hanging out," there is quite a contrast between what I'm used to and what most people here are used to.

It's funny to astound people with things that I haven't experienced. My roommate laughed when I told him that I had just gone to a Publix for the first time. I went to a J. Crew for the first time this past summer, and my house is a good 45 minutes from the nearest Chik-Fil-A. It's also funny to me when people here claim to be "country" when they're from Birmingham or Atlanta or Nashville or Memphis or D/FW.

2. I came here knowing a grand total of one person. It's more difficult to make friends when there are few/no connections. I know it's not necessarily true, but sometimes it seems like everyone here came with a bunch of friends from high school.

3. I don't belong to a fraternity, nor did I ever want to in the first place; Greek life doesn't appeal to me: the dressing up, the formalities, having to make good impressions, the rushing and pledging, etc. I'm not slamming Greek life; I have friends who are a part of it, and I'm sure it's fun and rewarding for those who are a into it, but for only 30ish percent of Samford students being Greek, you hear about Greek life ALL the time, which can get old when you're not a part of it.

4. A lot of people go home on the weekends, which isn't an option for me. Campus seems to go pretty dead on weekends.

5. Although I make fun of my friends from home who go to stricter Baptist colleges that have curfews and all that, I almost think it would be easier to meet people and make friends if everyone was required to be back in the same place by a certain time.

6. That's another thing - I couldn't name half the people on my hall, and even after a semester, I still see people who I didn't know lived on my hall.

7. I'm not in the Fellows Program, and I'm regretting that I didn't apply because I think I could have found several friends there among the "smart kids." I'm friends with the few people I've met who are in the program, but they since have their classes within the Fellows program, it's harder for them to be friends with the outside world. They're pretty much a cult. Recently one of them said something to the effect of, "Even if I weren't in the Fellows Program, I'd still be friends with ______ and ______ because they're awesome." My problem with that statement is, if that person had not been in the Fellows Program, there would be little chance that the person would even know ______ and ______, and even if they did know them, there would be no guarantee that they would get to know them well enough to find out that they are indeed "awesome." Anyway, I shouldn't be complaining- I'm friends with all three of the people in question.

8. Having dropped the music major (hallelujah!), I rarely see the music majors that I befriended last semester (bummer).

I could list several more, but I'll refrain. I need to complain less and act more.

In the small group I go to that I found through my church (I love it, both my small group and my church) we're reading a book called Knowing God. One of the points that the author makes early in the book is that people who know God have great contentment in God. This was incredibly convicting to read. How often do I live contently because I have such a powerful, merciful, loving God to serve? Here I am whining about my life.
The auther includes a small poem:

Lord, it belongs not to my care
Whether I die or live;
To love Thee is my share,
And this Thy grace must give.

If life be long I will be glad,
That I may long obey;
If short--then why should I be sad
To soar to endless day?

I've got to start living like I know my God. I've got to live to know God more intimately.

I've got to learn contentment in God.